Sick again

I spent a miserable weekend in hospital with more stomach pains. Not DV this time, just food poisoning.

Matches

Well today you decided to light the gas fire. You went and got the matches (Goodness knows how) from a high shelf and the only reason you failed is you could not turn the gas on. The matches are now hidden beyond your intelligence.
Mummy and I were having a coffee in bed and we thought that as we could hear you stomping about that you could not get into any mischief, how wrong were we?

Hmmmm

I took you for a coffee on the beach. You sitting there with your white blond hair looking for all the world like a little angel. I had put your dummy (you only get this a night) into my pocket. As we were ordering I put your dummy on the table, quick as a flash you picked it up a stuffed it in your mouth.

I reached forward to take it out of your mouth and you said in a clear voice,'Daddy, don't touch my fucking dummy.' The whole cafe heard what you said and I thought I was going to blush to death. I pretty much slunk out of there feeling like the worst parent in the world.