Tuesday 30 October 2007
Poo
Today does down in history. You used your potty to do a poo. You were just so very proud. You were running around the room shouting 'Daddy, come see, I did a big poo on my Potty.'
I love you
I just have to tell you how very much I love you. You bring happiness to me everyday. You make me laugh everyday and you have the power to make me feels so loved. I can make you say 'wow Daddy!' by just showing you a JCB. I love you and mummy so very very much
Daddy
Daddy
Painful Eye
So you have a stye. It looks so very painful but you are being a little trooper. You do not complain or whine. Mummy is taking you to the doctor today, lets hope it gets better quickly
Love
Daddy
Love
Daddy
Friday 19 October 2007
Worst Analogies Ever Written in a High School Essay
* He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
* The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
* McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
* From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
* Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
* Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
* Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake.
* Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
* He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
* The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
* Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."
* Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
* The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
* They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
* John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
* The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
* His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
* The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
* The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
* McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
* From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
* Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
* Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
* Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake.
* Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
* He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
* The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
* Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."
* Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
* The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
* They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
* John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
* The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
* His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
* The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
Monday 8 October 2007
How to be Annoying.
* Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
* Staple papers in the middle of the page.
* Ask 800 operators for dates.
* Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
* Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
* Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
* Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
* Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
* Set alarms for random times.
* Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
* Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
* Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
* Honk and wave to strangers.
* Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
* Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
* Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
* Wear your pants backwards.
* Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
* ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
* only type in lowercase.
* dont use any punctuation either
* Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
* Pay for your dinner with pennies.
* Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
* Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
* Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
* Repeat the following conversation a dozen times:
"Do you hear that?"
"What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."
* Light road flares on a birthday cake.
* Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
* Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".
* Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
* At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
* Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
* As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
* Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
* Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
* Sing the "This is the song that never ends..." song. (Ya know, Lamb Chops?)
* Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
* Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
* Name your dog "Dog".
* Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
* Ask people what gender they are.
* Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
* Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.
* Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
* While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
* Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
* Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
* Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
* Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
* Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
* Wear a LOT of cologne.
* Ask to "interface" with someone.
* Sing along at the opera.
* At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"
* Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".
* Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".
* Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
* Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."
* Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see a "magic picture".
* Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
* Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
* Never make eye contact.
* Never break eye contact.
* Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
* Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
* Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
* Make appointments for the 31st of September.
* Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
* Staple papers in the middle of the page.
* Ask 800 operators for dates.
* Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
* Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
* Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
* Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
* Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
* Set alarms for random times.
* Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
* Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
* Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
* Honk and wave to strangers.
* Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
* Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
* Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
* Wear your pants backwards.
* Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
* ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
* only type in lowercase.
* dont use any punctuation either
* Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
* Pay for your dinner with pennies.
* Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
* Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
* Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
* Repeat the following conversation a dozen times:
"Do you hear that?"
"What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."
* Light road flares on a birthday cake.
* Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
* Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".
* Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
* At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
* Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
* As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
* Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
* Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
* Sing the "This is the song that never ends..." song. (Ya know, Lamb Chops?)
* Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
* Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
* Name your dog "Dog".
* Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
* Ask people what gender they are.
* Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
* Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.
* Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
* While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
* Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
* Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
* Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
* Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
* Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
* Wear a LOT of cologne.
* Ask to "interface" with someone.
* Sing along at the opera.
* At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"
* Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy".
* Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".
* Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
* Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."
* Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see a "magic picture".
* Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
* Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
* Never make eye contact.
* Never break eye contact.
* Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
* Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
* Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
* Make appointments for the 31st of September.
* Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
